Seat of my pants

Oh, boy. Is there anything more destructive of self-confidence than squeezing your droopy 69-year-old buttocks into bike shorts—the kind with gel padding? Yes, there is. What’s worse is wearing those gel-packed butt enlargers outside in broad daylight, which I did this week. The increase in comfort wasn’t worth the damage to my pride. I’ll never be able to look my doorman in the eye again.

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